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Sunday, 01 November 2009

  • Currently
    Far
    By Regina Spektor
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    The words so sweet

    I'm trying to figure out the meaning to these lyrics. This song is my favourite track off the new Regina Spektor album 'Far'. It gives me chills and brings me to tears all at once and I can't even really explain why. Something about the piano and the way she uses her voice, it's so powerful. Anyway, if you haven't heard it yet, I urge you to get the album because it's fantastic (despite critics being typical and lame, saying it's 'nothing special) and I guarantee you will find yourself moved by it. Then, listen to this song and tell me what you think it's about. Check it out:

    It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song
    You can’t believe it
    You were always singing along
    It was so easy and the words so sweet
    You can’t remember
    You try to feel the beat

    Eet, eet, eet, eet
    Eet, eet, eet, eet

    You spent half of your life trying to fall behind
    You’re using your headphones to drown out your mind
    It was so easy, and the words so sweet
    You can’t remember
    You try to move your feet
    Eet, eet, eet, eet
    Eet, eet, eet, eet

    Someone’s deciding whether or not to steal
    He opens the window just to feel the chill
    He hears that outside a small boy just starting to cry
    ‘Cause it’s his turn but his brother won’t let him try

    It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song
    You can’t believe it
    You were always singing along
    It was so easy and the words so sweet
    You can’t remember
    You try to move your feet

    It was so easy and the words so sweet
    You can’t remember, you try to feel the beat

    I feel as if it could be concerning numerous things. Love- maybe a relationship that was lost, maybe one that is slowly falling apart; maybe the hardship of moving on and adapting to a breakup. Handicap- either physical or mental, and learning to live with it, perhaps involving therapy/rehabilitation of some sort. Addiction- acknowledging it, knowing one wants to change one's ways, and leaving it behind (or trying). Self-identity- a change in one's perception of self or perception of life in general, as a result of a significant turningpoint event or merely the process of aging. Morality- the hardship of making decisions, little and big; trying to find an answer; the meaning of life.

    Maybe I'm overanalyzing, but I tend to do that with everything, particularly music. Regardless of what she intended to convey, this song strikes me in a way that I can't describe. It's just so good.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

  • Halloween: an excuse to be a fake feminist?

    I love Halloween, don't get me wrong. It's my favourite holiday aside from Christmas. The smells of autumn. The colours of the leaves. The trick-or-treaters all in their lil' outfits. And it's not everyday we adults get to play dress up! So I take full advantage, usually for a few nights if I can. Yes, I still go out trick-or-treating. Yes, I know I'm "too old" and whatever the old fogies like to say. I'm a kid at heart and think nobody is ever too old to go all out, put on a crazy getup, and go storm the neighborhood like they're ten again and it's their backyard. What I DO have a problem with is the general female approach to the occasion.

    I'm all for female empowerment and equality between the sexes. I get that. I dig it. I'm an avid endorser of human rights, particularly when it comes to combatting gender discrimination and prejudice. Stereotypes infuriate me. That being said, I'd like to also emphasize my distaste for women's modern approaches to embracing their feminist side. It's all wrong. You know what I'm talking about. The incessant female chauvinism. Slutting as if it's in fashion (it might as well be a 'style').     Women that demean themselves physically, visually, to make it seem as if they are in control and strengthened by their confidence. If you ask me, it's quite the opposite. To make oneself a commodity, a product, a piece of meat, it's a weakness; a sure sign for insecurity and gullibility. It doesn't assume any power. All it assumes is the power of sex, and giving into, in particular, the base instinctual drive.

    Stooping to the level of men's lust is not gaining women anything. If anything it's setting us back. Feminism was born when women decided they weren't going to be objects anymore. They would no longer be the doormat to aspirations of male domination or what have you. They wanted to push forward until we could all find ourselves in a society that allowed each and every one to live freely, without repression of any kind. In order to do that, efforts were first and foremost focused around female empowerment. However, that notion has gone too far, too long, and too much in the wrong direction.

    Nowadays people have distorted the meaning of feminism and what it is to be a feminist. Which is why, typically, if you were to mention feminist ideals in normal conversation, many people cringe and shy away. People have the wrong idea about what it is and should be. Feminism is not about women being better than men. Nor is it about women being men's play things. The two ends of the spectrum are entirely destructive to any progress that has been made. Women like Susan B. Anthony would be disgusted if she could see how modern women carry themselves. And in a time when American society has advanced so much in other ways! Why does it seem that women think ceding to the whims of animalistic sexual tendencies will gain them equal standing? Because abandoning our sense of pride and integrity will make us more respected?  Because surrendering ourselves to the lowest stature will make us valued? What a delusion.

    Women of the world, wake the fuck up. All of you who think strutting your breasts around like they're candy will get you any real respect, you're living in your denial.     You're sacrificing your very dignity and any chances of human development. You look weak. You look desperate. You look pathetic. Whoring yourself out for every ogler on the street doesn't gain you anything. All it does is give you is a false sense of esteem and perverts a cheap boner. And all of you men, who enable it, who promote and go along with it, you're guilty in this as well. Even the most attractive women divulging herself to the world for all to see is unattractive. It's called virtue. It's called modesty. A woman with true confidence is not one that mindlessly complies to aggressive horndog media brainwashing. A real woman with real confidence is smarter than that, and knows how to emphasize her sexuality and self-assurance with poise, without forfeiting her right to be viewed as a human being.

    So this holiday season, let's see not another 'sexy' nurse or 'provocative' cop or 'hot' librarian, boobs and vag hanging out all over the place for all to see. That's all bullshit. Let's some fucking real confidence. Let's see some creativity, for crying out loud.

  • DOA

    So I've decided to start writing again. About what, nothing in particular. To whom, nobody specific. And quite frankly, without the slightest doubt that this will be just another blog in the world of blogger addicts anonymous. Just another trickle in the stream of posts of rambling and nonsensical blathering by someone who thinks someone else is listening. Actually, personally, I'd rather have nobody listening. It makes the process more personal and less formal because then I'm not so inclined to write as if I'm speaking to an audience. I'm more inclined to writing as if I am talking to myself. As it is I already do that 24/7 in my head so this should be somewhat easy. I think. I have a lot going on between my left ear and my right, so this may be a bit taxing.

    I used to log on almost religiously everyday. Even if it was merely to check up on things, find out what the buzz is, see how many people were taking the time to view my little insights, perhaps feel like something I was saying and thinking and feeling stood for something. To know that my random meanderings of thought were meaningful to someone, anyone, if anyone at all out there, makes it that much more meaningful for me to share. I think that is one of the reasons why I am back. I like to feel as if there is a broader connection between myself and those in the world that I may never come in direct contact with. If we can have a dialogue, so to speak, via the luxury of the web, we'll both end up with a better perspective on life.

    Another reason I'm here, and the more primary, is because my life has been falling apart. Or should I say, I have been falling apart. There are so many contributing factors as to why, all involving major changes that I'm having trouble adjusting to. Biggest of all is the fact that I recently graduated from college. I never anticipated it would be such a difficult transition but boy is it a hurdle. Honestly it has been one of the most challenging times of my life, and I'm trying everything to get through it unscathed. It isn't really working out too well, though. I'm a mess, a reoccurring train wreck, and edging along on paper thin ice. I'm trying in every way that I know possible to keep on plowing through this and bring myself back to neutral again. I really am. I am so tired of feeling lost and confused. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed with questions, doubts, and anxiety about what to do with myself and where to steer my life. It's just not as easy as you'd think. It sure isn't as easy as I thought before. I always thought I had so much time. There always was so much time. Or so it felt. Now I see I was so wrong.

    The older generations always want to dish out their advice; their 'wisdom'. Yet when you're not at the point they are, you have no way of really hearing it. It doesn't matter how smart you are about things or how much you prepare. You're young when you're young and there's nothing that can remove you from that. By the time you realize the reality of all the things you were once told, you're knee deep in it. Me, I feel chin deep. And flailing.

    "I guess this is growing up." Lyrics to a Blink 182 song couldn't be more right. Entering the more adult sphere of life is a weird feeling. It's like second puberty. You have to readjust all over again. Only now you have much more to think and worry about. Things like bills, health insurance, college debt, a serious relationship, dwindling neglected friendships, and a heart full of baggage. I hate it all. I want to go back to a time when life was simple and I was carefree. Or at least find a way to be an adult version of that now. If only...

    So that's my story. I'm a 22 year old college graduate with a Bachelors degree in psychology and no fucking clue what to do with it. Or myself. Or the rest of my life.

    What I'm looking for is a little comfort, in any form. I'm hoping this channel will help. We'll see.

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Saturday, 15 August 2009

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